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The Yoke's On You

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Jokes only, must be funny or at least original or else we pelt you with eggs. Try to keep them cleanish and not too scandalous

Location: Funny Bone, China
Members: 9
Latest Activity: May 4, 2012

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Comment by Richard ridealgh on January 25, 2012 at 11:30

Comment by Richard ridealgh on January 25, 2012 at 11:29

How did an embarrassed panda get mistaken for a newspaper?
They are both black and white, and red all over!
What's purple, 10,000 km long and 12m high?
The grape wall of China.
Where can you always find a tiger's head?
four foot from his tail!

Comment by Richard ridealgh on January 25, 2012 at 11:27: Never Judge a Man By His Appearance

At a New Year celebration meal an American to the Chinese man sitting next to him, pointed to the soup and asked somewhat condescendingly, 'Likee soupee?'
The Chinese gentlemen nodded eagerly.

A little later, it was 'Likee fishee?' and 'Likee meatee?' and 'Likee fruitee?' and always the response was an affable nod.

At the end of the dinner the chairman of the Yuan-Xiao festival introduced the guest speaker of the evening: none other than the Chinese gentleman who delivered a penetrating, witty discourse in impeccable English, much to the astonishment of his American neighbour.

When the speech was over, the speaker turned to his neighbour and with a mischievous twinkle in his eye and asked, 'Likee speechee?'

Comment by Sal on January 25, 2012 at 0:39: A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is asprin with a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees all his clothing all cleaned up and pressed. He looks around the room and sees it all spotless, clean and in perfect order. So is the rest of the house. He takes the asprin and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping. I Love You!"

Totally shocked with the note, he goes to the kitchen and there is the hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also there having his breakfast. He asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well you arrived last night around 3am complete drunk and delirious. Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled on the door."

Confused, the man asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me. I should expect a quarrel with her."

His son replies "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom and when she tried to take off your clothes and shoes you shouted...

"LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I AM MARRIED!"

Comment by Sal on January 19, 2012 at 23:50: Japanese people eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

Russian people drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

Chinese people eat and drink whatever they feel like in large quantities and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Apparently, it's speaking English that'll kill you.

Comment by Sal on January 9, 2012 at 16:45: Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
A1. His last one

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
A2. At the bottom of the page

Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
A3. Liquid

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
A4. Marriage

Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
A5. Exams

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A6. Lunch & dinner

Q7. What looks like half an apple?
A7. The other half

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A8. It will simply become wet

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
A9. No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A10. You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
A11. Very large hands

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A12. No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A13. Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack

Comment by Chris Knight on December 19, 2011 at 8:43: To counter your blond men joke, Richard ...

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were sitting in the OBGYN's office. The redhead turns to the brunette and says, "I'm going to have a girl". The brunette asks, "Oh? How do you know that? Did you see your ultrasound?" The redhead replies, "No, I know it's going to be a girl because I was on top."

The brunette thinks about that for a minute and says, "Well, in that case, mine's going to be a boy, because my husband was on top."

Suddenly, the blond started crying. "What's wrong?", the other two asked. The blond wiped the tears from her eyes, sniffed a couple of times and said, "I'm gonna have puppies!!"

Comment by Sal on December 16, 2011 at 9:50: Richard, those were horrible but a tad funny.

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2 - preferably a male and a female and don't watch you pervert!

How many Vietnam Vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

You just don't understand, you weren't there man!