The Yoke's On You

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Comment by Sal on July 31, 2011 at 9:26

Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?  Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces here; just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

 

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

 

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

 

3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.

 

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

 

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.

 

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

 

7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well, I don't want whatever you have.

 

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

 

This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend". Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.

Comment by Sal on July 30, 2011 at 15:03

Very very funny Martin

Comment by The Choonies on July 27, 2011 at 19:32

A Scottish chemist walks into his shop to find an Englishman leaning against the wall. He asks, "Whats wrong with him?"
His assistant replies, "He came in for cough syrup but I decided to give him a bottle of laxatives."
"Idiot," says the chemist, "You can't treat a cough with laxatives."
"Of course you can," the assistant replied. "Look at him now, he's too afraid to cough."

Comment by The Choonies on July 27, 2011 at 18:41

I just don't believe it was an accident or he would waste fine whiskey.

Comment by Sal on July 27, 2011 at 16:10

Nope, I'm deleting that one Richard. I will beleive in dragons and unicorns, but not for one second will I be convinced that a Scotsman won't drink

Comment by Richard ridealgh on July 27, 2011 at 15:43

A scotish man was driving home one night when accidentally he drove into an Englishmans car! (oh no!!)The Scottish man got out of his car and apologized to the Englishman. Don't worry about it the Englishman said! The Scottish man then produced a fine bottle of whiskey and offered the English man a drink. The Englishman accepted. After about five minutes the Scottish man offered him another drink. The Englishman took the drink graciously! The Englishman then realized the Scotsman wasn't drinking and asked him why!
The Scotsman replied, " I will when the policeman has gone"

Comment by Sal on July 27, 2011 at 14:49

The Deaf Italian Bookkeeper

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10M, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!"

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "Where's the money?"

Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."

The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are
talking about"

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"

The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."

Guido trembles and signs back, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"

The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

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