Relationships Blog

[Jaime Lewengood]

After age 11 I grew up without a Dad which means my Dad didn't teach me the social strategies about meeting girls. I was a very awkward teenager and I had to learn all this stuff about girls in my 20s.

Many people have asked me about my experience and what they can learn from them but the truth is I'm still single and still learning but I have been through a lot of girls and gained a lot of experience. After reading many books, talked to a lot of friends, and having many personal experiences I think I know enough now to draw a base line of what I should have learned in my teens. Here is what I've learned over the years:

Note: I wrote this from a guy getting a girl's perspective but this also applies to any combination. Also, feel free to add anything that I over looked! Feel free to ask me any questions!

1. Common Sense
- Daily Hygiene is extremely important
- Be responsible about your actions and finances in general
- Learn as much as you can and never stop learning. Be selective and know what info is right for you.
- Ask yourself: "Is it appropriate to do this in front of another person?" Always put yourself in another person's shoes.
- You know the saying where people say, "Never give up!" That applies to everything BUT GIRLS!!!! Know when to give up when it comes to girls. It's like playing the slot machines in Vegas, you have to know when to give up on a machine when it gives hints that its not going to pay off. Don't stick to one machine if it no longer pays off. (BTW by no means am I saying that girls are like machines). Common sense.

2. Value yourself and be a secure person
- being secure in yourself leads to confidence and confidence is everything to a girl. Fix your emotional and personal problems if you have them.
-Be happy being single because no girl wants a guy who is only secure when they are only with her. No girl wants a needy guy who is only happy being with someone.
- You are the prize and not the other way around. Don't kiss ass for approval or attention.
- Do not be a jerk but don't be a "nice guy". A "nice guy" gets walked all over because he kisses ass for approval and girls will knowingly take advantage of that. Be a "good guy" who values and is secure in himself.
- Do not be an approval seeking person. Being secure and self confident means you don't need other people's approval.

3. Be yourself but know exactly where the boundaries are at all times.
- If you don't know where the boundaries are you better learn them.
- Know exactly what makes people comfortable and uncomfortable. Under no circumstances do you cross these boundaries.

4. Be social and adventurous
- The girl is not going to come to you at your house. Don't stay at home and expect people to come to you. And definitely don't use your computer to always talk to people. Chatting doesn't count as meeting people regardless if you meet that person on the computer in real life. Go out and freakin' meet people! Meet groups of people in real life!
- Join social groups, attend parties, go to the library, or party at clubs even if you don't want to. (It's best to go with friends and not by yourself to any of these things.)
- Most IMPORTANTLY: Have no expectations. Always start at the bottom and the bottom always begins with being JUST friends. For me I just pretend that other girls are like other guys.
-Don't be shy! If you have a problem being shy then you should learn how to become social or at least fake that you have a social personality if you are a natural introvert.
- If you are naturally shy around girls, like I previously mentioned, just pretend that girls are other guys and you'll be okay.

5. Make yourself interesting
- if you have no interesting hobbies then develop some. Learn new skills and redefine yourself.
- Try new things like bungee jumping or something.
-Conformity is an essential survival strategy but don't conform too much that you lose your self identity.

6. If you actually managed to get someone:
- Learn how to maintain the relationship and keep it alive. Don't take it for granted and assume it will always be self maintained.
- If you break up do a review of what went on and learn not to do what caused the break up in your next relationship.
-Shit happens and move on. Don't dwell in the past.