The biggest complainer, moaner, curmudgeon in the Chun- sunshine city!

[Richard Roman]

We were musing, as is our way, as to who is the biggest complainer in the Chun

We have four nominations:


1. From Spain and the bookies favourite Erwin
2. From the USA and a hot tip by those in the know - Langlee
3.From Canada and a great Bigfoot fan - Chris
4. From the Uk and he hates just about everything including Mozart - Gentleman Ben

Any more nominations?

5. Alex fom Argentina - the biggest skate board moaner in the world!

[Chris Knight]

For what? The last item in your list? LOL

[Alejandro Indigo]

I use rechargeable batteries.

[Alejandro Indigo]

I know you're closing the blog, but I have to add:

We're gonna talk for less than 3 minutes, why wasting your time asking me where I am from? Even worse, why do you ask other people where I am from? As if they had a single clue... I'm right in front of you, imbecile! Why don't you ask me? Anyway, I don't want to tell you.

Last week a lady in the bus was looking at me and said to her friend "I've never seen this kind of american before" (she said Mei guo). I chose not to care about it, otherwise I would have thrown her out of the window.

Stop smoking in the elevator! the lady next to you is pregnant and stupid enough not to ask you to put that cigarette out. (I asked the lady why didn't she say anything, she's pregnant and it's harmful, and she started laughing... like if she was proud of being constantly poisoned.

As for the list...

I can:

-Change a tire

-Sing without sounding like a sodomized basset hound

-Spend years without asking my parents for anything

-Show a girl what self respect means

-Drive properly

-Be indifferent towards other people's opinions

-Be single at 30 and feel good about it

-Make my woman have an orgasm

[Richard Roman]

OK guys. I will be closing this blog. We have enough info now

[Alex]

Richard, I found your piece extremely entertaining. If I was still there I would have started off a campaign for the second edition of Changchun Stories. You made my day man. Not just because I totally agree with your points, but mostly for the way is written. For me it's classic. BTW...Duracell don't really have the european standard...I sometimes doubt...real or not?

[Chris Knight]

NO! I don't think Hotel California is the greatest song in the world. Celine Dion IS a douchebag. NO, Titanic is NOT the best movie ever written. And NO, NO, NO ... Avatar does NOT resemble China's problems in any way, shape, or form. First of all, Avatar is a science-fiction fantasy. Their environmental problems and corporate greed are caused by outside influences. China's environmental problems and greed are self-made machinations caused, in part, by one dipshit who told the masses, "To be rich is glorious".

I was reading an article one day in one of the Party mouthpiece papers about Walmart repackaging pork as "organic pork". All of the forum comments were about how these FOE's come into China and rip Chinese people off, and that all of these companies should be kicked out of China. Hey, MORONS. These FOE's in China ... ARE RUN BY THE CHINESE. There isn't a single foreigner in a management position in any of them! There may be a foreigner or two in the Head Office, but the stores are all managed by Chinese. It's Chinese ripping off Chinese! And, that foreigner in the Head Office has no clue what's happening in the stores. None whatsoever! Until after the fact. So stop blaming the foreigner when it's your own problem. Grow up and take some responsibility, instead of blaming the other guy.

[Chris Knight]

If I have one more person ask me, "Why did you come to China", I'm going to throw up on them. Everybody has different reasons for going someplace. If you come to Canada, I don't ask you, "Why did you come to Canada?" You had your reasons. I don't need to know them. It's none of my business. Why I came to China is none of your bloody business, either! 

If I have one more idiot PSB douchebag tell me, "We don't like spies in China", I'm going to rip their f-ing throat out. Guess what, morons ... we don't like spies in Canada, either, but we don't go around saying that to every Chinese person we see on the street.

BTW ... my income ... is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. It's personal ... between myself, and my employer. You don't need to know how much money I friggin' make. If you have to ask, I make more than you, so shut up already.

Who's the numbnuts that first thought up the idea that "All foreigners are rich", and decided to charge us sky-high prices accordingly? I'd like to meet that person, and give them a good swift kick in the nuts. They're retarded! There's no such thing as a rich foreigner in China. You F***ers keep ripping us off!

If I tell you that I know how to change a light bulb without having half the city's electrical contractors hanging around ... don't look so surprised. I can do a lot of things that you can't do. Here's a short list. Memorize it, there may be a test later:

I can:

Change a light bulb.

Unblock a toilet.

Change a tap/electrical socket.

Wire a socket.

Hammer nails

Screw a screw into a piece of wood.

Cook.

Sew

Paint.

Change a spark-plug.

Change the oil.

Replace an oil/air filter.

Put my own gas in my car.

Pee without half of it landing on the floor.

Walk across the street without holding your hand.

See that taxi 15 metres away and know not to dash in front of it.

Count small change.

Put my pants on without your assistance.

Use power tools.

Change a diaper.

Perform CPR and First Aid.

Hook up a washing machine.

Separate my laundry.

Barbeque

[Lang Lee]

Jack....as far as taxi's, I only want them to turn off their light if they don't want to stop for a passenger...I rarely take a taxi, prefering the bus mostly...gets me where I want in much the same time..

Richard...nice read

[Richard ridealgh]

I have been following all your comments closely. I want a turn!
In my opinion, the expatriate lifestyle in China can be divided equally between three pastimes, with the odd cheap " massage" thrown in:

1) Drinking and smoking.
2) Watching pirated DVDs or downloading illegal materials
3) Maximizing the use of a VPN.

This article is a representative of the foreigner experiences I found in  China: There is very little the average China expat enjoys more than complaining and on the top of our list of complaints is all the ways we think China has wronged us. Following closely behind are the royal three: Smog, traffic, and the sheer masses of people. Did I say traffic!!

I did some research on this topic and  thought I'd take this opportunity to record some of the lesser-known expat complaints. (I use the inclusive "we" here because I AM as guilty as anyone.) This is not a definitive list...so no complaining:)

- The quest to find decent deodorant in China. This came up a lot actually. At first I thought everyone who stated this mustn't have a Walmart or equivalent nearby. Nevertheless, what is decent deodorant. Spray...roll on...WHO CARES, it all smells better than Body odor.

- Finding batteries that last more than twenty minutes. Now, this for me is a problem since after eighteen holes on the Xbox golf game, I need to rip open the TV remote just to get to the "19th". I have seen Duracell here. Are they not the best?! Batteries are expensive in the UK, so you may find they are the same here. Anyway, Walmart have them so go check it out. Otherwise, keep being cheap...and complaining.

- Expats who have been here for less time than we have. Nobody is worse, we think that another foreigner who has lived in China for a shorter period of time than we have (especially if they teach English.) They're just bandwagon jumpers, ESL tour guides, "riff-raff" with nowhere else to go. We were here back when it was the real China, in the era before Happy Home or Nautilus opened, when corner store beers cost less than 2 Yuan instead of 3 or 4 yuan and nobody rode fixed gear bikes. Those were the days. The days of calm and serenity!!

- How much we've been smoking. Man, we've been smoking a lot lately. You see, we don't actually smoke. Only because we're in China, and only when we drink. But since in China we drink most nights, I suppose we do smoke pretty much all the time. But we never buy our own packs. Oh, what, this pack? Well, they cost less than one pound here, and besides, breathing in the air is like, what, smoking a couple cigarettes a day anyway? So might as well light up then.

- The quality of pirated DVDs. It seems to us that whoever stocks this country with shipping crates full of pirated DVDs doesn't fully understand how important these things are to our collective sanity as foreigners in China. If one more illegal, copyright-infringing DVD freezes fifteen minutes before the end of The Social Network, we just might snap. 

- The general abysmal quality of Chinese apartments. Among the creature comforts we are forced to give up as expats in China - sanitary public toilets, reliably safe food, properly fitting clothes - the most basic are in the home. Unless you're on a cushy expat package, most of us here live in normal, Chinese-style apartments. The quality varies greatly, and sometimes we just want an apartment with an elevator, a kitchen with an oven, a shower that doesn't spray directly onto our toilet. We want a little sunlight through our barred windows. Maybe a microwave and a dryer. How about a washing machine that doesn't eat our clothes, or a mattress that doesn't feel like a medieval torture instrument? Would that be too much for us to ask?

Feel free to complain about my complaints.

[Alejandro Indigo]

We could do it the chinese way - first we say how much we love it here and how nice everyone is and then we unload ll the shit we've been bottling up all these years.

BTW - I had a sandwich once at Grandpa's and it left much to desire. And the chips tasted like the day before.